As a kid, my parents always told me that I would be a dancer. To be fair, most of the time, they were making a joke out of my outgoing and theatrical behavior, but nevertheless, the comment stuck. I began intensely dancing when I was ten years old. I started going to competitions and conventions where I was constantly judged and compared to kids from all over the country. Dancing was the first time I felt free. I could share any story with the audience, make myself into any character I wanted and didn’t care what they thought. Over time, I saw the evil that lurked within the art form. I saw the injustices, inequities, and inhumane treatment of dancers–furthermore, the disrespect towards the artform by non-dancers. I saw the mistreatment I got and my peers, teachers, professors, other students, professionals in the field, and the industry as a whole. 

 

Dance has been the only place where I can genuinely understand myself and my world. I can connect with the outside world/nature and more prominent themes that encapture the world’s dilemmas, fears, victories, beauties, horrors, etc. I have the ability to share a story that can impact an audience. But what if its impact on me is too venomous to bear at times? Years of trauma bottled away because why go and talk to someone when you have been told that your emotions do not matter? If you are hurt, whether it be emotionally or physically, you are leaving it at home and coming to dance as if nothing is wrong. Dance has been one of the most unhealthy environments I have been a part of, and everyone inside it seems to know it as well. Dancers are told to get on stage and perform. Finding a way to dig a hole out of it has been challenging. The dirt fills the void, and any light that peeks through immediately gets covered. 

 

So, in response to my myriad of horrible teachers and fellow students who body-shamed and made me forget I was a human with feelings just as valid as the next–I forgive you. I choose to move on and dance for myself. I choose to create a space that invites people and welcomes all bodies. I choose to only step into a space that is filled with love and a curiosity to learn and grow. Many times we are clouded by those who have authority over us. Often they can give us great advice and teach us incredible amounts, but they can also be flawed. The system in which the arts exist in America is flawed. Acknowledging that, I will do everything to move toward a more equitable, inclusive, and diverse community that welcomes everyone to dance. I will start by making that space for myself and allowing myself to take my time to heal and grow.